0 She; the chains of the unspoken

They were two introverts, one more than the other. And they used to write each other letters every so often. Especially if it involved something deeply emotional, that kind of an emotional knot that was too difficult to put into spoken words.

It simply would not matter if they were going to spend the whole day together; if there was something deep to discuss, they'd exchange letters at the beginning of the day and promised solemnly to not read the letters until they were both home at the end of the day...apart. Each in their own comfort place. And it all went fine. It even gives you space to over-think your reaction...so what could possibly be wrong with such an agreement? She still has all the letters she received, as a silent proof of all they shared besides the moments spend together. And she cherishes those letters deeply...

This time she was the one who had something important to say. And instead of writing a whole letter, she bought a greeting card at the book store. In the end, the card said exactly what she had on the tip of her tongue; especially those two most important words.
She sat down with colored pens and mixed feelings that night...to personally add some other details she thought were important to mention. But alas, she could not.
And several nights thereafter, she returned to the card and colored pens; exactly where she left them the night before... only to get up after a while (just like the first time) without having written anything.

She even had it planned, how she'd send the greeting card by mail. And struggled with the thought of whether that was too impersonal or not. Should she send an e-mail instead? No, the very thought gave her the chills... Wait until the person in question was online and straightforwardly say what she had to say by chat? Uhm...not a good idea.
But wait...how could she be thinking about ways to send a card she didn't even have the courage to write? (sigh) "I'd figure it out in due time," she said out loud "first things first..write!"

Yes, they spoke, they spoke regularly as a matter of fact. But she tried to act as if nothing was wrong. Messages, phone calls, chats... She did her best to keep her posture through every interaction in spite of the tornado that went on within. It's not that she wasn't genuine, that you may not get the wrong picture of her, she was simply holding back that part which was somehow important for her to say. She was only waiting until she could write it down...like old times. Cuz that was the plan, right?

Until suddenly... on a day that started like any other...
Don't ask what happened, maybe it was just the results of a full bucket...or maybe she just felt gutsy...but in one of those conversations she simply blurted it all out. Everything...to the very last shameful word. She searched not for the correct words, she didn't pay attention to the reaction from the other person, she spoke her filthy soul out. And it was only when she was finally done speaking, and she realized there was a long and awkward silence from the other side, that what just happened finally sunk in. Like a heavy rock..deep in her stomach. And thou she said nothing else and she tried with her all to keep a relaxed posture, she felt completely paralyzed. And she froze...

"Ohhhh SHIT!!! You must be kidding me right? You didn't just do that, woman! You didn't just say all that!...Oh WHAT-A-SHAME!! WHAT-A-SHAME!! WHAT A SHAAAMMEE".
The voices in her head went insane. Her feet felt as cold as ice, in spite of the very hot weather. She felt sick to her stomach..it was as thou she swallowed a rock and couldn't seem to throw it up. And she had to blink several times to hold back the tears of regret. "Hold your head up high young lady. That was, as a matter of fact, a very brave thing to do." she told herself finally "You needed to get it out, and you did. Whatever the other person does with this information now is not up to you. Do yourself a favor, and hold yourself together."

So she just sat there, struggling between obedience to that encouraging voice or getting up and run away...
She even had difficulty swallowing...but she bravely sat there. If there was going to be an answer or not? She knew not...Thou she hoped there would, deep down she hoped. Positive or negative, all she hoped was to get more than just this killing silence. But as uncertain as she was she sat there...
Until after what seemed like an eternity, the answer finally came... And it was like a glass of cold water on a very hot day...short indeed, but also deep...and meaningful. Words that felt like a warm hug, in spite of the distance.

And she smiled so wide her face hurt!!! Not only physically did she smile...but her heart also smiled...as a matter of fact it danced; her heart really danced. It was one of those moments she'd scream for joy. One of those moments she's do an uncontrollable silly dance.
But instead she decided to just enjoy silently of the mixture of beautiful feelings that welled up like a beautiful aroma. Joy, relieve, contentment, satisfaction, pride, love and freedom....yes, most importantly the freedom.
If it wasn't for this moment, she'd never realized how she had been a slave all this time...a slave to her own unspoken words.

(JK, OF COURSE)

0 Succumb to the awkward gaze-lock...

Last Saturday there was yet a new post from one of my favorite Youtube Channels; Community channel.
This chick is simply funny, real and altogether very cool.

This is the video that was posted...

So true.

Now, in addition to what Natalie states in this video and all I already wrote in one of my previous posts (Tinted Windows), it happened yesterday that I discovered yet another awkward thing concearning the eye...
Behold..."The awkward eye-lock"
In church yesterday they made us turn to the person beside us, look him/her in the eye and repeat a certain phrase. Pfff, yeah...that's pretty common in churches...I personally hate that act as a matter of fact. No, I'm not the" look-the-stranger-in-the-eye-and-tell-him-you-love-him" kinda girl. But some people in church believe it to be effective thou (sigh). Yet, since there was no one else sitting beside me on either side, I thought to myself, "Phew, I'm saved babeh!!". And I smiled in relieve...
Did my victory dance too soon. I didnt realise that the guy sitting in front of me was in the exact same situation...until he turned around, looked me in the eye and started executing the assignment without even giving me enough time to react.
One thing I thought immediately, "Wait...What? ...Shit!!!...Really?!?!....Whyyyyy?????"

I tell you, it was plain awkward.
The longest conversation that ever happened between me and the guy was "Hi, how are you?". Now, there I stood, looking him in the eye. No kidding me...
As an only escape to the uneasy feeling and the minutes that suddenly seemed to slow down, I decided to make his whole "declamation time" a bit uncomfy as well. I mean, why not?

Like, ever noticed there's a difference between just simply looking eachother in the eye and really locking eye sights with the person to the point that you can almost pierce their souls?
Well, I did the latter...
As he was quoting the phrase, I looked him in the eye...like really...IN the eye. And no matter how strong the urge I had to look away, I didn't. "Focus Sy...Focus"
And yes, it didn't take long before he started shifting uncomfortably on his feet.
The effort it took him to maintain his posture, was visible all over. His eyes were moving back and forth in his head like darts. And the phrase that started loudly and full of conviction slowly diminished to a low, stuttering out of, what seemed as, a dry (parched) mouth.
In the contrary, I now found it amusing...and I believe I even smiled widely and nodded. Don't worry, he might have mistaken the whole facial expression as an encouragement.  But the more signs I received of an awkward reaction, the more it encouraged me to keep the eyes locked...firmly in place.

As soon as he finished, he quickly turned around and didn't look back again for the rest of the service. Would you tell... yesterday I didn't even get the regular "Hi, how are you".  Lol, how funny...

Some of you might find it wicked, but what was I supposed to do?
If I haven't thought of an escape so quickly, I would have been the one to succumb under the pressure of the piercing gaze-lock. And I don't like that... oh hell no I don't.

4 Royal Announcement...(wink-wink)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!

I’m EX-CI-TED!!!!

You know how normally the beginning of the week is drag-ass. And for me it’s the first full work-week after vacay, so it’s taking me a while to get back into my normal working routine.

But then this morning I received some amaziiiiiinnng news!!!

My Bhajan love (a very very dear friend of mine in Barbados) contacted me this morning to announce the arrival of a new jewel to this world. Yes people, I’ve got a new princess. (aaaaaaaahhh!!!)

Welcome to this world, Aleema Malika Davis

Born on August 13^th 2012 at 6 and weighing 3350 grams (Daddy was so excited he couldn’t remember the length).

(sigh) I'm in love...she's beautiful...

Well my boy was excited... and a bit sad.
Yes sad, ‘cause he said (and I really quote...sorry KD)... “I was suppose to be there to see her enter this world...but I missed out on it. ...when I went in all anxious to see the whole “pushin session”, there is the madam suckin away on she momma. N tears came to my eyes” (Yeah I think that was so beautiful, those words coming from a proud new papa!!)

With all the kicking and pushing the little pretty pants had been doing lately...she couldn't wait on daddy so to make her own entrance...

But as I told him, now it’s to make sure he doesn’t miss out on the other firsts...
The first steps, first teeth, first words, first school day...maybe her first pageant, her first medals, her first trophies ...hahaha I’m truly excited and happy!! Wish I was there with them...

I just know that Aleema is gonna grow to be one heck of a beautiful and smart girlie. Love her already...
May her every breath be blessed and may she grow up to be all that she is made to be.

Welcome babygirl!!

2 Twenty Eight gems at the 100th step...

Yesterday was my 28th Birthday (on the 28th of July) and THIS is my 100th post...
Again one double slamming reason for celebration.

I really had an amazing time yesterday. It was really more than I could dare ask for. Sublime. Really an unforgettable birthday!

For my 100th post I actually wanted to do something different, but really...nothing came to mind.
While showering last night (yes, I tend to get my ideas at the most non convenient moments) I came to the idea of simply posting 28 of the most important things I've learned up until now...

So here goes:

1. I've learned that YOU need to fight for what you want in life. If you don't do it, nobody's going to do it for you. Nothing's going to just fall in your bosom, you want it? Go get it!;
2. I've learned that most mistakes CAN be corrected. The mark of the white-out will still be visible, scars will still be there, maybe even a stain as a constant reminder...but the actual mistake won't be no more.;
3. I've learned that you really never stop missing some people...or at least not for a long long LONG time;
4. I've learned that whatever we've lost in the course of life, it shouldn't be hope. Even when strength is gone and the courage to persevere is nowhere to be found;
5. I've learned that we sometimes need to take a risk and do the unexpected in order to discover parts of ourselves we might have never before explored;
6. I've learned that it is way more important to be your own friend, before trying to befriend anyone else. If you want others to accept you just as you are, start by accepting yourself;
7. I've learned that change is inevitable, but it is your choice how YOU deal with the changes that take place in your life;
8. I've learned that people should sometimes stop hiding behind shimmer and shine and just do what they feel in their hearts to be right, in the end you can never please everybody. And there is no need to do so. No matter how hard you try, someone's always going to disagree;
9. I've learned to stop and cherish each moment. The 29th of July of the year 2012? It will NEVER happen again...and I'm only 28 once in my whole lifetime. Each single minute is valuable;
10. I've learned that my family is one of the most important bolts in my life; these people help holding my whole existence together;
11. I've learned that the mind's not always right. Sometimes the mind's too rational, sometimes we should simply follow our hearts;
12. I've learned that  to trust is an art. Trust's not freely given, we earn trust! And by the way, I believe if real trust is earned it shouldn't be that easy to lose.
13. I've learned that people need to have solo time every now and than. Hit the cinema on your own? or cozy out in a restaurant with some yummy food and a magazine? Totally re-energized!!
14. I've learned that love's really a big word, used indeed too often and wayyyy too easily;
15. I've learned that music is really very similar to a drug. A beautiful melody? Lyrics that speak? A simple good song? Who can really have enough?;
16. I've learned that a whole world might lie behind one unspoken word. Undiscovered poets, uncaught thieves, unsung heroes, simple nobles, heartless villains, or sometimes a simple unquenchable lover. My advice? speak up if you must;
17. I've learned that real, meaningful, heartfelt relationships don't come with price tags. Otherwise they would have been too pricey, wouldn't they?;
18. I've learned that setting great goals mean nothing if you don't intend to move beyond your own boundaries to achieve these goals. Great goals require great guts.
19. I've learned that we sometimes need to be more willing to help someone out without expecting anything in return;
20. I've learned that no fancy words are needed  to genuine and sincere;
21. I've learned that it is more important to have a bouquet adorning my table today than a wreath at my grave;
22. I've learned that a relationship with God isn't quite necessarily the soap play that people has made it to be nowadays;
23. I've learned that creativity makes life overall more beautiful and enjoyable;
24. I've learned that we sometimes need to stop expecting people to give meaning to our definitions. We all have our own definition for beauty, intelligence, stupidity and other behavioral matters. Expecting people to fit in our definitions frustrates us, the relationship and cripples the person somehow;
25. I've learned that big wars really originate from small meaningless arguments sometimes;
26. Likewise I've learned that little things can brighten up our whole day. Think of the smile of a little child, a little unexpected note, a hug from a dear one, a simple thank you, an encouragement from someone who matters...;
27. I've learned that  it takes a mature, responsible and secure person to admit a fault. Small people always try to find something or someone else to blame;
28. I've learned that when spoken words don't suffice, writing can be a marvelous aid. ( haha ;), sure...ask me about it)

So this was parts of it all...Hope you found something that inspired you. If so, write it down and hang it somewhere you may see it frequently...

And by the way...congrats to you too...for having been through 100 mile stones in the chronicles of a woman named Sy.

I appreciate you mucho! 

Sy

0 Hottie or Hooker?

We all know it! The color red on a woman usually symbolizes sexiness, confidence, energy or...you name it...

A woman wrote on her blog "hmm I'm feeling confident and I want to be noticed today; a red dress it's gonna be!" And her blog says that the color suggests a more outgoing person and that the person who wears red is trying to draw more attention to themselves.

All of which is basically true. It has been proven scientifically that the color red increases our enthusiasm, stimulates energy and can increase the blood pressure, respiration, heartbeat and pulse, encourages action and confidence, provides a sense of protection from fears and anxieties. So, theoretically...the above IS true. But than again, the following discovery basically also is...

A well known blog published recently an article about a psychologic study that has been conducted at the University of South Brittany in France on 120 men; researching their reaction on women wearing different colors of clothing (blue, white. red and green to name a few).
They were asked to rate the attractiveness of these women on a scale of 1 to 9 and also were they asked to rate how likely they thought the probability was that the woman would sleep with them on the first date (based only on the womans appearance).

And as you can already imagine, red rated higher as the most attractive color on women (followed by white, blue and green) and also the women wearing red rated higher as being those most likely to go to bed with a man on the first date (followed by blue, green and lastly white).

Well, if indeed red has an effect on the respiration, heartbeat, pulse and blood pressure...these results might as well be true in some way.... or not?

The psychologists then concluded that a men would most likely ask intimate questions of the woman wearing red on a date and also sit closer to her. And also a female hitch hiker wearing a red blouse would most likely get a ride from a man than from a fellow female.

So these French Psychologists state that their studies show clearly that the color red is connected to lust, romantic love and the female fertility between a man and a woman

Interestingly enough I came across a similar research that was conducted in 2008 in two universities of Rochester. In this case the men were shown the very same woman wearing different colored blouses and/or with a different frame color for the picture.
They were asked several questions among which the attractiveness of the woman and how much money they  would be willing to spend on the person if going to a date with her with $100 in their pockets.

Again...the same results... When the woman wore red (or when even just her photo was framed in red), the men found her to be prettier, sexually more desirable and were willing to treat her to a more expensive outing.

In both studies they linked this reaction with the men's primal instinct; saying it to the be the same reaction as baboons, macaques and chimpanzees have towards the females of their specie. They say that the female's perineum of these animals actually reddens conspicuously when nearing ovulation so to send a clear sexual signal to the males of their specie. So, they said, this reaction in human males might be connected to their "wild" side.
But they also say it might be cultural. Red roses, hearts, lingerie, Valentine's Day... all linked to romanticism.


It is also important to mention that one of these studies explains that this red effect extends only to (heterosexual) males (homosexuals and men with red-green color blindness were not used in the research). And also, that men are really unaware of the role of color play in their attraction.
Red did not increase the attractiveness level from females rating other females. And the high rating of a men to a woman wearing red had nothing to do with the woman's intelligence, likability, competitiveness, personality or kindness;  it's plain sexual.

So both studies state that the attractiveness factor of the color red on a female to a male is actually nothing more than the sexual edge the color adds to the woman. And there are plenty of other researches that send out the same information about women wearing the color red. It does, whether subtly or out loud, send out some type of "take me to bed easily" card beside signaling just the hotness & attractiveness in a woman.
Now does this information change the way we (women) will use the color in the future? (To our advantage maybe?)

I say do the test for yourself! Wear the color and rate the reactions you get...
And if you have any (not all too personal) experience with the effect of this, please let us know!

1 Subliminal messages

"Ever felt as though you're having a "subliminal" conversation?"

You know, one of those conversations in which you know you both have so much to say...yet neither of you really says any of it?
Haha..I'm having one of those conversations right THIS instant, and it's actually quite disturbing and interesting at the same time.

A lot is said...
You even joke and laugh at silly things said and done during your superficial conversation and at some point you might even switch to talk about some OTHER (more) serious matters. But whatever really needs to be said is kept unsaid by both of you. Yet it boils...really..it boils on the inside! :D
But I don't know, maybe sometimes it's better that way... Maybe you just... feel the urge for some things to be said but maybe it's so that life can go on perfectly without them ever being said. Maybe it's just you, wanting to hear certain things...clear up whatever clog there is somewhere up there...say a couple of things yourself.

LOL...why would people have such conversations anyways?
I know what you're thinking..."why wouldn't you take the first step into uncovering the lid of the untold then?"
Pshhh...that's the thing with subliminal convos...you don't want to be the topic-starter...yet you want it to be said (somehow).

Haha..complicated much!!!

Anyways..blogging and chatting isn't really doing the conversation any good at all...
As you can imagine...I gotta go continue my weird chat.

AAAARRGGHHH!!! I wanna screammmm... hahahahahahaha

See ya again in a while, love bugs!

Sy

0 My "relationship" with... (And another special announcement))

I know some of you were drawn here only by the title of the post. HA! Well, I'm very pleased to announce that this very post is about nothing else but my "relationship" with salamanders.
It's important thou to mention that this is more of a hate relationship than it is about love.
(Sigh) I detest them!!! I find them utterly repugnant!!! And somehow these days they've been appearing CONSTANTLY in my bathroom...


Like this morning; just about to hit the showers I saw something move quickly under the bathroom sink. I held my breath and stepped in the shower curling my toes and feeling a cold breeze going down my spine as I lowered my head to see what it was. And yes, mr. salamander quickly ran up the wall and back down again in no time. I stretched my hand and closed the lid of the toilet...If anything, I'm stepping on it!! (As if the animal didn't just climb THE WALL...pshh)
My heart sank...and I almost started crying. If I only knew it was there I would have gone to the other bathroom instead... But now I'm stuck...half naked in the bathroom with a salamander.
I once again held my breath, balled my fists and tiptoed out of the bathroom as quick as I could.
Now what?!?!?! I need to shower to get to work...and I wasn't particularly on time...
So I decided the animal needed to be killed!! I grabbed some insecticide and went back to the bathroom with movements similar to those the police would make in an action movie when doing a raid.
Luckily enough it disappeared...so I had the chance to tiptoe back in the bathroom (looking around), take a shower and then tiptoe back out.
E-ve-rything was going well...until mid-makeup I saw something move again. This time the insecticide was right beside me, so I picked it up and emptied the can on the salamander. Surprised by the obstruction of oxygen I guess...it decided to run towards me. Now, I don't know if it was running to me for help or if he was just trying to attack me; to me it looked like the latter. So there I was, jumping like a mad puppet...covered in goosebumps...and again I felt like crying as the salamander ran straight towards my direction.
After delivering it some more puffs of what was left in the insecticide can (to "calm it down" and divert the direction in which he was heading), the salamander struggled its way to  a rug on my floor and crept underneath it. I wanted it to die right away!!! But seeing the amount of insecticide I wasted on it...it wouldn't have a chance to live anyways. So I tiptoed around finishing my make-up and picking up my things to go to work; all the while keeping an eye on the rug. Time came to leave. And I decided to leave the animal to die in "peace"...I'll take him out when I come back from work. In the end it at least deserved the time to say its last prayers.
Back from work I thought of ways to bribe my little brother into lifting the rug. But in the end, imagining how he'd laugh his butt off at my silliness I decided I'd have to finish the job myself. So I approached the rug with curled toes, breathing quicker than normal and shivering all over my body... I slowly lifted the rug with a broomstick...


NOTHING.

Pushed the broomstick underneath it, lifted it up and shook the rug to see if the corpse will fall out (all the while havint all these unrealistic scenarios playing in my head; of the animal attacking me or something and so on)....but NADA... NULLITY ( In my head, chaos broke loose and I paralyzed.)
The salamanders has vanished!!! :( I looked around and I still can't see the slightest glimpse of it. Whyyyyyy?? Why? Why? Whyyyyyy?? Why meee??? (Sy makes a crying sound)
Dead or alive (probably dead)...I don't know where it is...and I'm freaking out!!!

But anyways....

On a complete other note... (the other important announcement of course)

My brother's personal website has finally been launched!!! (Sy does a very weird happy dance and grins widely)
SOOOO PROUD OF HIM!
And of course I want to share the joy with you.
You can visit his website anytime and admire his impressive artwork. (I know that sounded kind of boastful..but (ahem) I have reasons to boast here hehehehehe)

Share the amazing art with your friends and fam, contact him (my brother) if you have any questions and enjoy the truth behind every art piece which can all relate with...
(You can also like him on Facebook and follow him on twitter if you'd like to stay up to date)

This is his latest Piece of Art named ITSaGirl. Done live in the past weekend at RouteDuNord 2012
It gives me such a warm feeling inside...the deepness of this piece...aaaaaahhh

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE WEBSITE:
www.francissling.com

Hmmmm...ok...that was everything for now. (Actually there's more, but the post will become too long)
Lemme go chek again if I can find any trace of the salamander before it turns dark.
(Sigh) who would believe I have thissss much "love" for those animals...