0 She; the opinionated mind

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Angrily she shakes her head. As if this action would finally shake her mind to a hush.
"But whoever inquired YOUR opinion miss lousy know it all?", she wanted to ask. And sometimes she wishes she'd have the antidote to make it clam up; like when you throw a bone to a barking dog.
Especially in times when, like right now, her mind decides to shout out it's opinion extra loudly. No consideration, no choosing of the right words, no barriers. Just like a little kid who, in spite of several warnings of his mom, insists to give his opinion out loud about the hair of the lady across the room.

And too thoughtful for her own liking she adjusts the pillows on her bed and comfortably positions herself in between...doing no more than gazing at the ceiling as if trying to see something through it. But at the same time she sinks back in the pillows, she sinks back in a labyrinth of thoughts... Thoughts which sometimes, she'd rather leave untouched.

"But seriously woman, I think you should do this differently" her mind continues, "oh come on...you know better then this! And by the way, I think you know I'm right...you just love to be the little stubborn you sometimes! But you'll see...wait a while longer and you'll see!"

"And so WHAT if I'm stubborn?" She answers out loud, as thou she believes that such a undaunted response will now shock her mind mute. And she tries to tightly close her eyes and concentrate on something else... whatever else.
But alas, without asking for permission, and without any consideration or etiquette her mind jumps in between again. Loud, over opinionated and convinced of it's own judgment.
Before she even knew, she found herself thrown into one possible scenario after the other in her mind...the wanted and unwanted alike.

And it took her a while to realize she was, yet again, practicing possible lines, reactions and situations in her head, going down memory lane and judging what could have been done better, Shivering in the foretaste of the unknown...

With none but her opinionated mind ever constantly jumping in "Yea yea woman,...but..."

Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

0 She: NEVER again...

Sunday, September 25, 2011
Then, nervously she picked up her phone from her lap and turned it on while looking at the blinking red light in total relief.
"A message," she thought "I hope it's something distracting!....pleaaaaassseee be something distracting...pleaaaaseee?"
And happily she noticed that indeed, she was right this time; the most distracting person on her messenger list has sent her a message... Just in time!
A smile of relief painted on her face while she taps the message open, let's out a nervous sigh and leans comfortably back in her chair.
"This is what we'll do while we wait" she smiled and thought to herself. "Yes....we'll keep this person talking for as much as it is necessary. THAT shouldn't be that hard of a job..."
But after the first sentence she wrote in reply to the person in question, he wrote no more than 'hahahahahaha'.... After that unfitting laughter, she could fish not one more word out of him.
And her thoughts were running wildly, her feet got ice cold yet again and she felt a rock dropped without any consideration in her unstable stomach "NOOOO, why?!?! Why you go silent on me now, you stupid?"
Unable to think of any other solution she let's out another sigh, puts the phone aside and tried again to put attention to the print-outs on her lap.
But no matter how hard she tried to focus, that was impossible. The whole concussion of nervous feelings in her body prevented her to understand a word she read. And mentally she accused herself. " Take this now, you brat! I thought you said you're never doing this again. What the hell is this now? You seriously need to stop it. What in heaven's name where you thinking? You had to say noooo, just plain NO! But naah, you had to mess up. Now here you are....blame it on WHO? Yea, take THIS now for getting yourself in this moment! And I hope next time you'd know what to say huh?" And she rolls her eyes!
"Participants....this way!" She heard a familiar voice shouting in the background, and she was swept back to reality with shaking hands, a dry throat and killer cramps!

Contest briefing took place in record time. And she heard she was the only participant for this contest (in her area). But not even that news could do the trick. "I can't do this," she mumbled at such a low volume that no one could hear, "I'm not ready yet! Can't do this"

But in the end she had no choice, so participate she did.
And automatically she won speech-evaluation contest for area 2.

And now she has no option, she'll have to compete this coming week on the next level to represent her area in the next speech evaluation competition.
Each time the joy of winning sweeps away the thought that she had previously told herself a zillion time "never again". She somehow even finds the courage to even say "bring it on, other areas! Bring-it-on!" The shaking and trembling woman that was some minutes ago, is now nowhere to be found...for the time being!

And she said, never again huh? "Well yea, we'll just finish the job this once. Next time... Wait, why the hell are you thinking about a next time? No, there won't be such a thing! You stop it right this instant!", she said to herself out loud while placing the trophy next to the others on the bookshelf in her bedroom.

And next to the trophy she placed some tranquilizer drops she purchased at the drugstore, in the know that she'll probably get herself into a 'next time'.

Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

0 Oh, one can surely do that dance...

Wednesday, September 21, 2011
It’s been said that it takes two to tango... but I say “hey dude, one can do that dance”.
Most people use the above mentioned idiom to denote that it takes more than one person to accomplish a given task.
I must add thou that in a further search about the use of the idiom, the real meaning of it seems to be more on a negative note.
“It takes two to tango is a common idiomatic expression which suggests something in which more than one person or other entity are paired in an inextricably-related and active manner, occasionally with negative connotations” (Source; Wikipedia)
But for this post we’ll take it from the meaning that is mostly given to it, that it takes more than one person to achieve a certain goal. And I am one of those who’d insist in such a case that there is surely an exception to the rule here.
Indeed for some things in life you’ll need help and support from someone else to achieve the end-results. But sometimes it’s merely a matter of starting to do what is in your power and might, and let the rest take care of itself.
Let me give you the following example, someone told me this week that he would have loved to ask me out but that he’s unsure whether I’d accept the invitation. I said, “Asking someone to go out with you is in your hands, their response is not.  Do that which is in your hand, and leave the rest to faith.”
Now his point is that it doesn’t only depend on faith, but mostly on my will and desires (as being the person to tango with). That’s why he wants to wait and see if he’ll see any spark of interest before really popping the question or moving in... ABSURD!!!
Now, to make it clear in this case, I might have said yes if he’d actually ASK (and not suggest). Even thou I’ll probably just keep it there...a “first date”. (notice: the cursive “might”)
But  what I want to make clear is, there’s no use in WAITING for someone to tango with, start dancing your part and let the other (me in this case) do her part. Or if you specifically want someone to tango with you, ask that person to allow you this dance. Even thou it takes two to tango, one needs to actually take the initiative...
To make my point clear, you don’t have to wait upon people to start any dance in your life.  If you specifically need/want someone to do this tango with, you need to take the initiative to ask them to tango. Nevertheless there are some dances you’ll need to do alone. Sometimes you’ll start alone and the dance floor will slowly fill up while you’re at it, and sometimes you’ll simply start and finish the whole dance completely on your own. But that doesn’t have to keep you from dancing. If an urge comes in you to tango and no one “tagoes” along, than my dear blog-reading friend...(to my opinion) you can just tango on your own!

1 And it was time for a reminder...

Thursday, September 15, 2011
Most of the times we’re very good at giving advice to other people.  Whenever someone is going trough whatever situation and can’t seem to find a solution we can stand by them and delight them with our insightful advice.
But what about those moments when I myself need to heed those advices I’ve given? What about those times when we need need need them ourselves?
This is one of those moments to me. And thankfully I have written down this advice back then.
It has already been a year ago... But it felt refreshing to re-read it and remind myself of what to do.
Here, I share it with you. Some of you might remember it and some of you might be reading it for the first time. I don’t know which one of you need it too right now... But enjoy!

Just Open Your Hands
By Saidiri Sling
There she stood. The five year old girl holding tightly to her favorite doll which had, just a while ago, lost an arm. She cried her lungs out. “Pleeeeeeaaasseee  fix it mama, please fix dollie’s arm!!! Mom, can you fix it? Please don’t let her die”
My mother, a professional doctor from the intensive care department, was trying with all her strength to repair my broken doll. But to no avail!!! Not because the doll was broken beyond repair, but I was making this impossible….because I wouldn’t let her go.

Well, letting go sure is hard, isn’t it? I know! Been there more than I ever wished. But life has taught me that sometimes letting go is quite necessary.
There are times when we need to let go of situations, and other times when need to let go of circumstances, we sometimes need to let go of our comfort zones…and sometimes we even need to let go of things we like and of people who own a very special place in our hearts.
But it is only when we let go that we can free our hands, so that we can open them to receive other things life has in store for us. And no, letting go does not mean by any chance that we give up on something or on someone. It means that we love enough to give freedom. It means that I care enough about myself to give myself the greater chance.
And don’t get me wrong….I do not have the “letting go” all under control. But, let’s be honest, sometimes we hold on way too tight to certain things in life for no logical reason at all. At that moment  we sit down and reflect about the reasons we held on so hard, we might just come to the conclusions that our reasons are totally insane.
For instance, I could have gone year after year playing with my armless doll…just out of fear of the uncertain. What might, or might NOT happen if I just let her go.
 Well, dollie might just have never gotten the chance to be whole again… would she?
So I once asked myself this one question, if one day…24 hours, we were given the total assurance that nothing will go wrong if we’d just open our hands…what would we let go of on a day like that?
You see, in the cycle of life it is required that things have to be let go. Otherwise life would have lost its excitement. Do you imagine if a tree decided it’ll clutch tightly to every bird that seeks a temporary home in it and never again let them go? …when seasons come and go, my friends, those birds shall surely die.
In this same way we often kill when we refuse to let go. No, we might not kill little birds. But we kill greater opportunities, we kill progress, we kill new chances, we kill growth, hopes and sometimes also relationships. Yes, sometimes we clutch them way too tight…and they’ll go limp and die.
Do not be afraid to let go, everything will be just fine. I know that from experience.
Of course, there are things in life that are totally worth holding on to. But love them enough to occasionally allow them to be repaired. Love yourself enough to allow yourself much greater chances.
So, what is that you have so tightly in your hands? What are you clutching to?
I , for example, have been holding on for a long time to my stage fright. Prohibiting myself from ever doing anything, but sitting in the audience. Yes, I would choose a thousand times to trade places with one of you; I’d sit in the audience and cheer rather than standing on stage.
But I realized I had two options. I could forever keep on holding to my uncertainties, hold on to what people might have said someday, hold on to my own thoughts…hold on to THIS broken doll in my life.
Or, I could decide to just open my hands, take the risk…and let it go.
I leave it to you to conclude which of the two options I chose.
And thereafter,…decide what you’re going to do about it.

0 Please, allow me to dramatize....

Wednesday, September 7, 2011
It is appealing to wake up to some drama every so often. Especially if it's on a monday morning...
Aaaaaaaaahhh! It simply fills you with fresh and optimistic mood to start the week; and you'll be enthusiastically looking forward to whatever is next in line.

I have come to the conclusion that I MUST have some kind of a drama magnet. Don't know how...but I seem to attract professional drama deliverers to my surroundings. If it isn't the mom that over-exaggerates and worries too much and nags, it's miss issues who (to my humble opinion) needs some serious psychiatric attention, or it's the ex who can't seem to accept his place on history channel or maybe it's the DSA (dramatic strings attached) playing greedy... You name it.... I think I've had some of it.

Now, there's a big difference between drama coming from your family or a close relative and the oh-so-dreaded drama coming from a bare stranger or someone...well...let's say someone we are not supposed to be taking any of the shit from. At themoment you start getting to big a shipment of unrequested drama from the latter....oh boy...THERE'S where the tides arise! Are you feeling me? If you've ever been through, say 'amen'!

Let's say, you wake up on monday morning to some heavy load from someone in the second category. First thing in the morning... Bet it'll have you smiling all day huh?
Well, been there, done that....YESTERDAY!!! And no, i wasn't exactly leaping for joy about it.
Wasn't exactly the morning call I had expected. And I have to admit, for some moment there it had me quite moody. But hey, we can't always manage that which we get ourselves into, or the way people reacts towards us. What we CAN do is...react wisely.

Get your mental notebook running...here are some short tips to help you through;

- remain calm; the world isn't going to end because of them;
- while you're in there, don't forget to breathe. Inproper breathing causes your heart to pump faster.  and the next thing you know, you have a nervous breakdown. (lol, unverified information here)
- think clear; thoughtless reactions can lead to irreversible foolishness;
- don't yell...speak; just think about it...why would you waste valuable voice decibels in worthless drama?
- in addition to the previous...don't JUST speak. Make things clear....especially what they position and importance in your life is concerned. It is important for some people to know that shit can not be accepted from them because...well because they're simply not that important to you. Any sign from you that appeared as thou you care....has clearly enough been misinterpretted by the person. PERIOD.
- smile. Especially because there's no reason to do so. It has been proven that a genuine smile relaxes people. So go ahead and smile at the silliness of a child that stands at your window and mimic you, smile because of the funny sounding voice of a by-passer....smile just because.
- don't let any of it go to heart; as soon as something is important enough to touch your emotions while it shouldn't; stand still... You're heading wrong way, stop and turn!
So my dear blog reader....if life decides to serve you a fresh brewed cup of drama every monday morning from now on, here's some cookie to go with it. Sante!

(how do YOU tackle drama? Leave ur comment and let me know).