4 Million dollar questions

Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I have two...questions today really eating at my brain cells.

Question 1. (And I just need to get it off my chest before moving on)
Why would someone literally ridicule himself on a social network site in order to catch someone else's attention?
I mean, can u really be that desperate? Dude, nobody's a lollipop....quit the sucking.

Commenting on one thing is normal. Commenting and liking 2 or 3 things is still acceptable. But commenting and liking EVERYTHING the person posts....is synonym to despair! Ahum,....boy....the sink's full and the laundry's dirty. A.k.a. GET A JOB! It shouldn't be decent at all...it should just be a job....to get you off the internet.

Nope, didn't happen to me this time (and I'm grateful)....lucky dog! It just gotten to my attention...and I blogged about it. If it happened to me, I think I would have....uhm you know what, let's jump to the nxt question!

Question nr 2. Why would is it that we hide what we really feel for a certain person?
This question really popped up after a small convo with a friend.

Made me really ask myself whether all the people around me (atleast the most important ones) really know how I feel about them...
And I conclude,... they probably don't.
He doesn't know I love him so much it's almost uncontainable, she doesn't know an intense burst of hate wells up in me every now and then towards her, they don't know I'm tired of it all,  I'm sure she doesn't know how much I appreciate her, he doesn't know I think he can be a whiny cry baby at times....

Sigh...so many things to say, so little courage.

Cuz yes, I think that plays a cardinal role...COURAGE. We are afraid how the person will react, we don't really know if we SHOULD tell anything, a bunch of 'what  if's' pop u'p, our own head tells us to better shut up. And the heart reaffirms..."Yes keep it to yourself...to the grave". Lack of courage is not the only motive of course.... Nah I don't think it is.

But what if it didn't really matter? What if you could tell me straight up to my face what you really feel for me..without the occurence of something awkward or dreadful? Without all the masquerade and all? What if the standards of the world didn't matter? What if my reaction to your confession wouldn't be that frightening for a moment? What if my ears could hear you say it and my eyes could watch as the words dance out of your lips. What if you gained all the courage in the world....would you tell me? Would you tell me the truth?

I would....but if I only had the courage!

Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

2 Is the ice cube jealous yet?

Saturday, March 26, 2011
Well no, I can't sleep (sigh). I seem to have this little battle between "good" and "evil" going on inside my head at THESE hours of the day, yea.

Quite disturbing! I'd just like my mind to shut up for a while now....seriously!!

Battle topic of the moment? Can someone become so hard and cold inside they themselves dislike some of the actions of that person they've become?
I know....maybe right now you went "say what?" Hahahaha irrational thinking....but that's my mind right now.... It's something to deal with, live with and just.... roll with! =p

It's simply stuck THERE!! And weird enough... for as much as I might have been disagreeing with my own acts a while ago, now I already find it ok to think about a possible "next time".

So, the dislike only lasts for a couple of minutes huh? Does the reproachable act just loose it's weigh at some point? Does coldness really freeze down all that it touches? No matter how fervent they came up at some point?
Hmmm...be it what it is, I came to think that the cold side of me is pretty loud mouthed anyways. And this just confirms it. It seems to silence down or overpower any other voice until now. Mute their shouts to nothing...
Well,...every other voice except that-voice-whos-name-I-won't-mention!! But THAT one is worth ignoring (under any circumstances!) Hahahahaha.

Anyways...lemme know what u think of this uhm persistent question! And if it won't be too much asking...elaborate plsz! =)

BTW....I'm posting directly from my phone! So, that's the reason there might be slight differences from the usual posts! But, this is the easiest way to keep the blog up to date about nxt month's vacay AND besides, I already put the laptop to sleep for tonight and was too lazy to "wake it back up".

C- ya in a while! XoXo


Miss IcEbOx! XD

Sent from my BlackBerry® device from Digicel

3 Get a tune up!

Monday, March 21, 2011
By this time of the year, many of us would have forgotten about all thebeautifulgoals, promises and resolutions we had at the beginning of the year.
We go about, living our own life, minding our own business and forgetting or lazy-ing out towards what started as a goal. Just the old self!
Often times, just to start yet another year, when this one ends, solemnly promising and wishing to work on the same resolutions and goals as u were meant to the year before.
Take this as a nudge,… Get your resolutions in tune. There’s still plenty of time to make them happen…START RIGHT NOW!
"This year,
Mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust.
Write a letter.
Give a soft answer.
Encourage youth.
Manifest your loyalty in word and deed.
Keep a promise.
Forgo a grudge.
Forgive an enemy.
Try to understand.
Examine your demands on others.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind.
Be gentle.
Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude.
Welcome a stranger.
Gladden the heart of a child.
Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love and then speak it again."
~Howard W. Hunter
May this new week be filled with joy, challenges and victories

2 It felt like it, it looked like it, but it just wasn't it

Saturday, March 19, 2011
THESIS: To Hate Every Single Inch, Seriously!
I have been working on my thesis lately; reason why I couldn’t really blog as much as I wish I could.
The abbreviation above definitely resembles my thoughts about this whole thesis thing. Graduation has never before been such a pain. And I’m hating it. I totally detest the idea of making a thesis. I mean, why a thesis? Who invented thesis? Couldn’t that person have a better idea? Like, wasn’t there another form of examination? (Sigh)
And on top of it, you provide me with someone who’s supposed to support & guide me through the process that clearly has NO idea what she’s doing. Lucky me! Or, she does not want me to graduate (LOL).  But hey...I see no logical reason why she’d want to do such a thing. So,…we discard the latter!

Anyway, I’ve written something for the past months that felt like a thesis. I wasn’t really comfortable with it, I must say. But neither was I getting any feedback or indication that what I have been writing was just not exactly the assignment.
Last Wednesday I handed in what should have been one of the last concepts of it. And, decided right before clicking the send button that I just HAD to make some astronomical changes.
First reaction I’ve gotten? “Sy…you have NO time!!” But I believe such a thing just doesn’t exist when the ultimate goal is just as important to a person as graduation is to me. I’m not comfortable with what I previously worked on and I’m going to make the necessary changes. PERIOD!

Thus, Sy has been working on it the whole weekend (since Thursday night). ‘Cause Monday morning I’m mailing her a totally re-written, graduation material thesis. YES SIR!
You are just not going to tell me it’s impossible and that there’s no time. I’ll work my butt off and prove you wrong.

Just a couple of months left to fight this “thesis virus”. And by June 2011 I’ll be stronger, wiser, better &

0 W-end booster!

Friday, March 18, 2011
I think this small inspirational text should serve as a beautiful reminder all through our lives; that we can actually take courage and stop avoiding possible obstacles...


"When I was a Boy Scout, we played a game when new Scouts joined the troop. We lined up chairs in a pattern, creating an obstacle course through which the new Scouts, blindfolded, were supposed to maneuver. The Scoutmaster gave them a few moments to study the pattern before our adventure began. But as soon as the victims were blindfolded, the rest of us quietly removed the chairs. I think life is like this game. Perhaps we spend our lives avoiding obstacles we have created for ourselves and in reality exist only in our minds. We're afraid to apply for that job, take violin lessons, learn a foreign language, call an old friend, write our Congressman - whatever it is that we would really like to do but don't because of personal obstacles. Don't avoid any chairs until you run smack into one. And if you do, at least you'll have a place to sit down."
~Pierce Vincent Eckhart

2 A night snack...

Thursday, March 17, 2011
Today I've been so busy with my thesis, and with coughing and with finding ways to distract my mind from grabing something sweet(cause it'll ruin the weight loss)...
Anyways,... I haven't found the time to write... (sigh) so sad!
But hey...I thought I'd just come by to share this piece of "night snack".

Found it pretty hilarious....enjoy!

I mean,....SERIOUSLY? lol

2 The no-name dilemma!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011
This, I wrote on the 16 of January 2011. It has no name...and I have to make some adjustments to it.

Take a look and give me points of view, advice and possible corrections =)

Behold, the queen has built a fortress,
for protection during war.
Strengthened the walls with hefty stones,
and closed herself inside.
Outside the walls a tumult broke.
The multitude embraced hatred,
and total chaos reigned out there
The one threw a bomb at the other,
innocents were getting hurt
and the people suffered much
But the queen built up her walls,
to keep her and the chaos apart
Cold, hard, strong tall walls
To keep herself from harm.
But when the war has ended
and evil seized to be,
The queen still refused to come out
for the walls now became synonym
of comfort and security.
“There’s still beauty between these ruins”
said a king once to the queen
“Tumble down your walls and see.
Not everyone out here is evil,
love might find a way back in.”
“Pierce my walls and come in if you may,”
Said the queen in a cold tone
“I have found no reason
To tear down my fortress.
I do not have the need yet
To bulldoze my walls”

0 Another thought bubble, gone! "You wouldn't have to try so hard if..."

Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Say…you choose to be a pilot. Then, a pilot is what you are! (Unless you choose to change careers at a certain point) Right?
Now say…you walk around town in your pilot uniform. Everyone who sees you will identify you as a pilot, right?
Would you tell someone that you’re a doctor, when everyone sees you wearing your pilot uniform?
Might sound like nonsense; but there ARE people who’ll do such thing. As a matter of fact they’ll try all their best to convince you of the contrary of that which is so visible. In some cases, fooling no one but themselves.
I’ve always heard of a very interesting theory that teaches us that if we repeat something long enough we might end up believing, acting and living according to that.
But why would you try so hard if what you are is totally ok? Are you ashamed of being a pilot? Is being a pilot a handicap? Or is it that you're not sure you are a pilot?
I think, you wouldn’t have to try so hard to portray something to the people around you if you were sure and comfortable in your own skin. You KNOW who you are and you know where you're going and couldn't care less...
Listen here, there’s nothing wrong with repeating something to yourself (according to the theory).  As a matter of fact, in some cases I think you CAN and SHOULD. As long as what you are trying to convince yourself- AND the world of is totally realistic. For instance, you have a certain goal you want to reach, you have dreams you want to come true, things you want to achieve or a drastical change you wish to make…GO FOR IT! Boost yourself every morning with a good dose of positivism.

But there are some things…dude…you will just need to accept and live with or REALLY change 'em!!! If you are a pilot, and everyone can see you walking in your pilot uniform…don’t try to convince me that you're a construction worker!
Like, the totally homosexual guy trying to convince other people that he’s into woman… Why dude? Ashamed of who you are? Afraid people will judge you? Afraid of being stigmatized? Afraid they won’t accept you?
As for a fact, you ARE a human being (no matter who or what you are); and you don’t need to do anything to convince me of that.
You HAVE a certain skin color, and you didn’t need to reassure that fact to anyone who sat beside you today.
You DO possess certain features which anyone can see without you having to make any special efforts.
Accept who you are...and be you, in total grandeur.
Cut all crap hunny…stop trying so hard to be something/someone you're not. Be who you really are, do what you do best, have what you have…

5 Stand still, I'd like to measure your heart's content...

Saturday, March 12, 2011
Define love…!
The feeling and showing of love sure isn’t a new point of discussion. Countless people have discussed the topic for as long as the earth itself exists.
And many poured their innermost on paper, trying to explain this subject. I’m sure,…even while I write this blog, countless people worldwide are showing, thinking of- or writing about love.
Thou I think, the differences in opinion won’t ever seize
I was speaking to a friend this afternoon, which I must mention that I love EXTREMELY much.
And while conversing, he mentioned that he loves me “infinitely much”. (aaaaaaww)

Now, for as sweet as it might be, for someone to love you oh-so-much, “is it even possible to love someone to the INFINITE level?”

Cause this is the deal.
When we talk about infinite, we talk about something immeasurable, of infinite quantity or magnitude, unbounded, EXCEEDINGLY great, never-ending and LIMITLESS.
And love from one person to the other has a limit, right? ‘Cause I say, what will happen in (for example) 10 years if I had done something that made me unworthy of your love. And it comes to pass that you don’t love me anymore. What then, happened to the infinity…where did it go, if it was meant to be limitless?
Hmmm, I wonder….I really do.

Share your thoughts on the matter please!
 I’d love to hear what you think…

I personally like the Greek way of putting it all ( I’d personally add some more definitions =p).
 But they have 4 different names & definitions for the word “love”. This, depending on how the love is expressed or what type of love is being spoken of.
They have:
·         Eros Love
·         Storge love
·         Phileo love and
·         Agape
Eros as we can all imagine, (it even sounds like the word ‘erotic’) is the passionate kind of love, only based on flesh-satisfying, sexual attraction, desire and sensuality.
Storge (or sometimes referred to as Oikos) is the type of love you’d share with your household.  To your mother, father(s), sister and brother(s). Literally translated it stands for “affection”.
Phileo love  is that kind of love you’d show to your friends. Literally translated the word means friendship. Phileo love thou, isn’t only shared between friends; but also between family members, lovers, the community as well as when enjoying an activity. It is the type of love that requires virtue, equality and familiarity. It is important to mention that Phileo love does not involve passion.  Philia(as they also call it) CAN be a selfish type of love; by showing love only to others if you  can gain benefits from it. Even hidding behind the truest of motives.
Agape is the biggest of the four; and it denotes an unconditional love. A.K.A., the sacrificial kind of love.
 I personally like how Paolo Coelho describes it in his book ‘The Pilgrimage’; "the love that consumes," i.e., the highest and purest form of love, one that surpasses all other types of affection.

Still infinite love’s got me…is it or isn’t it possible? As for me,…I can very most definitely love you in Eros, I do love my household in the Storge sense, the Phileo is surely also on my love list and I can even try the Agape. But, infinite love?  Uhm….do I dare to commit to such a level?

One thing’s certain, my love might not be infinite…but fact is…I DO love!

“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
                                                                                                                               1 Corinthians 13:1-3

4 Popped a thought bubble!! The Narciss-maniacs

Friday, March 11, 2011
Do you know anyone (just ANYONE) who sometimes behave as thou they are the center of the whole damn earth?

Well I do.

Everything that happens is "because of their presence and/or contribution. If it weren’t for them, the results wouldn’t have been so great."
And everything that DOESN'T happen...weeellll that'll be "because they were not there or didn't have any contribution. ‘Cause if they were there, a whole new planet would have been born. With a population of thousands."

If, by any chance, something wonderful happens to other people and they were not there or didn't contribute to that ....they just don't want to hear and or talk about it. Randomly they’ll skip the conversation to the next topic. Or they’ll just sit there for a couple seconds and look at you with a puzzled look in their eyes.

I mean, give me a break!!! Really! You can’t be THAT self-absorbed!

Now I don’t want anyone to get me wrong, I have NOTHING against high spirits, positivism, people fighting to break free from whoever or whatever’s keeping them down, having a new awareness of self OR even having an imaginative world where only you exist.

But some people…they just surpass the boundaries waaaaayy too much. And their fullness of self makes them so unbearable…

Get a grip my dear, you are not the sun!
Not as hot, not as bright, not as loved and not quite as needed…

I guess that gives you the message:
“The world doesn’t damn revolve around you”

When we are narcissistic, we are not on solid ground (earth) or thinking clearly (air) or caught up in passion (fire).  Somehow if we follow the myth, we are dreamlike, fluid, not clearly formed, more immersed in a stream of fantasy than secure in a firm identity.”
                                                                                                                     Thomas Moore

"Love doesn't die a natural death. Love has to be killed, either by neglect or narcissism. Those guilty of these two crimes of the heart always hide behind excuses convenient; too ashamed, lacking in integrity and courage to face the truth. To them, it is always something other than their own actions, desires and self-importance that dictate circumstances. For these people, so blind to truth, true love can never be fully experienced for they have never really given of themselves all that they are."
                                                                                                                        Frank Salvato

1 Chronicle # 4; How'd u call that again?

Thursday, March 10, 2011
Words are a cardinal mean of communication, Right?

 If we had to rely on just humming and sign-language I guess communication would have been awfully frustrating!
Or maybe, we wouldn’t know that there is something to call ‘a word’, so the humming and the sign-language wouldn’t sound irritating at all.

But aside of all this “communication-talk” did you notice how word usage become more and more interesting with time? We sometimes choose words that…uhm…do not have any other meaning but to replace what would otherwise be an awkward silence. Sometimes we make up our own macaronic language…or perhaps someone once played with words and used whatever came out…and thus, a word was born.

For example, a nonsensical filling word we use in Papiamentu is, ‘awel si’(lit. well yea). Like, when someone tells you “I can’t quite understand why I can’t figure this out” and you just don’t feel like starting a conversation, you just answer “awel si” and leave it to that. Makes no sense when you think about it really…

“meh” is one of the common  sonsensical words in English, an expression of boredom or indifference. Used in cartoons like,…The Simpsons; integrated in the 2009 edition of Collins English Dictionary as being an actual word. What exactly is a “meh” other than the sound that goats make?

And if you browse to urbandictionary.com you’ll find a wide variation to choose from…like,
·         Boolame (Possessing an above average lameness
·         Bunkus (which stands for nonsensical itself)
·         SNUH
·         Dumbified (feeling less smart, becoming dumber due to some experience or event)
·         Zenergy ( a combination of the words “Zen” and “energy”
·         Goshemel (an acronym for goat, sheep & camel)
·         Macram (a common name for stupid people and people who try to be cool and fail
·         Dystextia
·         And a lot of other strange words I personally found hilarious

Well it seems that nonsensicality is IN…  go see for yourself on the web!

And to top it off I just used nonsensical words myself and totally enjoyed the bunkus of it! My colleague stretched out and her belly was showing…I just had to tell her that her “whatchamacallitagain” was showing. (face palm)

Don’t you just love nonsense sometimes… LOL

3 Chronicle # 3: I R X-it'd (I are excited)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011
On my mind today...

Yup,..vacay's approximately one month away...and I can HARDLY wait a second longer!!!! Tickets are bought,car is reserved and today the appartment where we'll be staying was confirmed....

Vacation's so close I can almost smell it. And I just occasionally get this really high dose of excitement running through my veins when I just think about it.LOL =) Whoo-hoottt!!1 (and does a mini silly dance)

If I have any specific plans? Well,....besides meeting some specific people, the one thing on the to-do-list is to HAVE FUN.
Ofcourse, I'll try to keep the blog updated for as much as I can.....("as much as I can" is an important part in the sentence I just wrote). There,...I made a promise; and my friends know how I am when I make promises.

Now, let me go make some adjustments to the budget and lay down the rest of the night daydreaming about the vacation-to-come...

2 Chronicle # 2....The Weight Loss Crusade

Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I figured the second (actual) post had to be something,….uhm,…catchy. 
But in the end I guess that doesn’t really matter..... as long as I express myself huh?

What’s on my mind? The title says it all...WEIGHT LOSS!! 
Hi, My name is Sy and I’m a stress-eater.... and I’ve gained a LOT of weight during the past 5 years (read, ever since I starting working). 
So I’ve been struggling, year in year out, with the weight trying to get it back to where it was. But up until now, I went through nothing but a bothersome circle of loosing some, gaining more!
At the end of 2010 I spoke to myself yet again,....just like I've done the years before, and reassured that changes needed to be made, PRESTO! But only this time,...I had determined with my mind, mi heart and all my strength that I'd work hard...towards this (not so unknown) goal.
So I would literally work my TOOSHIE off in 2011,….I’m not going to start 2012 with the same goal once more….WEIGHT LOSS!
So far so good,…lost like (gets a converter online) 30,87 pounds to date….but temptation’s increasing and the fight is getting harder. Incorporating more movement of the body and less hand-to-mouth movement isn't exactly a piece of cake.
I have to say thou, that I have two amazing friends (D & P) and a lovely mother who supports and encourages me all the way. Am I grateful for having them in my life...
AND hell no,….the fight's not over yet;.... for everybody struggling with WEIGHT LOSS out there…YES WE CAN!
Struggling with weight problems? tell me how you do...
relate, reply & repost.....

0 For there must have been a first...

For as much as I'd like to write the first post about just so many things that are going through my mind at this exact moment, I guess I'll control myself and stick to basics for this one.
For I guess when writing first things, you should start at the beginning....where it all started!

I used to be the kind of girl who'd write about just anything. If I was overly happy I'd write, I write when I was puzzled, write when I was angry, write when sad....from the silliest to the most intriguing stuff. The only difference,...I never really liked it for people to read the writings.
I've always considered them, "notes to myself"...just to get out what was pressing so hard inside. In some way...SACRED!. Always kept in a safe place only I knew...

To date I have almost 50 (unpublished) poems and countless papers full of stories, laughters and tears.

So,...a random idea of a blog popped up...and say I'm just giving it a try. Hoping that someone out there might someday find one of these and say "Hey, that's just like me!". And just maybe it'll help that person out....not to commit the same mistakes I might have committed,...or to see a light at the end of the tunnel (that certainly is not a train =D) or just to know....they are not the only person that's going through.

So feel free to relate, subscribe,reply, repost,....and enjoy.