she; falsely extinguished

Thursday, February 2, 2012

He called it desire; that feeling she had when she saw someone or smelled something that reminded her of him.
She? She called it stubborn persistence of the memory. 'Cause other than those moments when she suddenly gets all warm inside again, there was nothing but ashes.
She can't complain, has such good set of brains... The brains that stood her by through many times when she engaged in a mind game with any pretentious individual.
The only downside of these brains would be the ability to play these mind games to herself from time to time. Consequently causing a total short circuit in her performance.

Like, when she sees someone that reminded her of him... (sigh)
You see, the person didn't necessarily need to have ANYTHING that looked remotely identical to his; any gesture, body movement or piece of clothing could do the trick. And don't even mention catching a random sniff of his perfume in the air when someone passes by...

It's kind of an indescribable mixture of nostalgia, spasm, a physical warm tickle, passion and wanting...igniting in her, like when you pour gas on a fire. There isn't a single part of her that doesn't experience it, even to it's deepest intensity.Yes, even the little hair cells on her head! So intense, it feels as thou it's consuming her completely.

When it happens, it happens in less than a blinking of an eye. Old memories arise like a swarm of bees...a whole multitude of them.
And  she momentarily completely loose herself in "if-only", "never-again" and "would-have-been"...

But than again, come on,  it's just THAT...nothing but a momentary flame. A fire that looses its vigor as fast as it catches it. A fire who's momentary furry can be easily stored in the deepest darkest corner of her being ...until next time;...yes, until the moment comes when she re-encounters whatever reminder of him along her passage of life... any vague memory able to enkindle it all again.

Yet she won't call it desire. Isn't a desiresomething more intense?
When itcomes to her, in between fire and fire, stays nothing but cold insignificant ashes...ashes that won't even recal his subsistence sometimes,let stand remembering him with such ardent fervor....such ravenous wanting..such genuine ferociousness.


Post a Comment