The remote...

Somewhere deep down, I feel kinda shitty today.
The WHOLE weekend (literally all three nights) I dreamt about this same person...

I don't believe the dreams had specific meanings at all, but my wild guess would be that my subconscious is trying to play filthy tricks on me somehow.

But the dreams they left me thoughtful, worn-out, worried, sad-ish...quite uncomfortable from the inside.
Like if I want to take some kind of an action to stop it all from bothering me, but at the same time there's this something holding me back.

I KNOWWW what kind of action to take, but refuse to yield to that voice for some reason.
It's really like a ferocious battle inside. Of things I want, wish and hope...yet...

(sigh)

Ever had such a feeling? A feeling that kinda eats at your brain cells?

I need a vacation! Temporarily stepping out of it all...
Then again I need to make up my mind, sort out what to do...and then do...something...anything...whatever.

I know...sounds confusing and all. But it's exactly like this (x 10) in my head right now.

I guess a rewind button would have helped perfectly in such a moment like this.
Go back, erase and re-write...replay, relive, redo.
Zap the channel...pause...whatever!

Yes, I would have gladly used the remote control of my life in a moment like this...
For specific situations and specific moments...with specific intentions and specific reasons wich I am yet not even willing to admit aloud.